Charlie's Angel
FHM, May 2006

You've seen Emmanuelle Vaugier in Two and Half Men. Now see her in lingerie!

There are some women who can take your heart away the very first time they’re near you. These women are transplant nurses. But there are women-sexy, smoldering actress-type ladies with raven hair and perfect caramel skin (Emmanuelle Vaugier, basically) – who’ll simply capture your heart the very first time you see them, and they rarely let go. We’ve loved Emmanuelle since she cropped up in her recurring role as Charlie Sheen’s sitcom girlfriend Mia in Two and Half Men, and we love the 29-year-old French-speaking Canadian even as she was meeting a sticky end in Saw II. In fact, you might even have spotted Emmanuelle polishing a young Lex Luthor’s dome (erm, as his girlfriend) in Smallville, or wondered why Josh Hartnett would have bothered faking orgasm with her in the otherwise useless 40 Days and 40 Nights. Wherever you’ve seen her, we thank God she’s arrived – and thank heaves she opened her doors when FHM dropped by for tea…

Welcome to FHM, Ms. Vaugier!
It’s so funny, because I have a bunch of Aussie friends who will e-mail me every once in a while saying, “Keep me updated! What are you up to?” I’ve been over there six or seven times, up and down the east coast. I love it!

So you can answer this: how are Australian men different from Canadian men and Americans?
I find Australian men and Canadian men similar in that they both have very similar drinking habits, ha ha! And they also have very dry and sarcastic senses of humour. Americans are a little more contained and down the straight and narrow. Australian and Canadian men are much more carefree and less…obsessed with themselves.

You’re in Two and Half Men. If you had to be trapped on an island with two-and-half men, who would you choose? And, who would be the half?

Let’s see - I’d have George Clooney, Oliver Martinez, and perhaps a half of Ryan Gosling.

Which half?
I’m not entirely sure, I haven’t seen the whole thing. I would have to suss it out, ha ha!

Is Charlie Sheen mental?
No, he’s very quiet and humble. I didn’t know what to expect, but he’s extremely charming and very sweet. He keeps to himself and shows up for work and does great work and then goes home.

Have you died in a lot of movies? You really copped it in Saw II – they hacked your head off!
I’ve died in a tremendous amount of movies – now my mission is to live through a few! Ha ha! But I look at the bright side – I’m like, “well, at least I lived for a little while.”

As an attractive up-and-comer doing horror movies, you must know that you’re kind of doomed in the script.
Yeah, ha ha! They just like to massacre pretty girls – it’s a little creepy.

Agreed! On a movie set, there are a million people involved. Does that make love scenes kinda weird?
As long as they are shading in my muscle tone, I’m cool.

Hang on! We’ve seen the photos-you don’t need shading!
Ha ha! Well, this is the thing – most of that stuff is on a closed set, and only the people who need to be there get in there. Make-up and hair and those key people. Mostly you learn to block them out….

But surely a lot more people suddenly “have to be there?”
Right! You’re like, “What’s that guy up on the rafters doing there? He’s holding electrical cords, but they don’t seem to be going anywhere…” I mean, you don’t walk around naked on-set, but being modest takes up a lot of time. And we’ve all seen it before, it’s no big deal. As long as nobody’s gawking or being inappropriate about it, who really cares?

Josh Hartnett faked an orgasm with you. Has any man tried it on real life?
I don’t know – I don’t think so, but I could be wrong. Maybe he was really good at faking it!

Does being an actress make you an expert faker, if you need be?
You know, the situation really doesn’t usually call for it. Actually, I shouldn’t even say usually – really, if it’s not going to happen, it’s a lot of effort to try and fake something like that and pull it off. I would rather be like….

Get off me?
Yeah! Get the hell off of me! Ha ha! Go make me a sandwich – we’re done. Oh, that’s horrible!

In this issue Chris Rock says he wants to die in a ménage a trios with Beyonce and Lucy Liu. How do you want to go?
Ooh – that’s really hard to beat. I would rather it be painless, but I’d have to think of some creative and fun way to die. Maybe jumping out of a plane, hang-gliding, where you have some moments of joy before you crash. I want to go out with a big smile on my face. If I was going to beat Chris Rock’s thing, I’d have to choose dying in bed with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Is that more along the lines of what you want to hear at FHM? Ha ha!

It is! Why do all women nominate Angelina as the women they fancy?
I had this conversation with a guy yesterday about how if women had to choose just one woman to be with, it would be her! I don’t know – she’s just unbelievably beautiful. She has incredible sexual energy.

Are women more attractive naked than men?
Yeah! You know, everything is sort of tucked away on women. There’s stuff hanging out on men. Women look pretty naked. Not that there’s not something sexy about the male body, but I don’t need to see the thing flapping around, you know? There’s a time and place for that. Ha ha!

Continuing on the theme, we’ve got Girls of TV special this issue. Jen Hawkins chose Jessica Alba for her TV tryst. Who would you choose if not for Ange?
I don’t know! I don’t watch much TV. Hm.

You’ll just have to hope Angelina goes back to the box.
Yeah! Has she ever been on the box? Or on the box? Ha! Wait, there’s something that’s just not right about that.

According to the tabloids, she has.
Right – but according to the tabloids, so has everyone else! Everyone is a lesbian and has had alien sex.

Those are next two questions.
So have I ever had sex with an alien? Only in my dreams. But I remember being in Tokyo, and all the signs in the airport don’t say “Foreigner” they say “Alien”. Aliens go one way and the Japanese go the other. So I am technically an alien, yes.

Excellent. And have you ever experienced the joys of a lady?
A lady? No, I have not – much to the reader’s dismay. I’m sure, ha ha! You’re like, “Say yes! Say yes!” If it’s not Angelina, it’s nobody. I’m holding out.

You played Lex Luthor’s girlfriend in Smallville. Do you like a bad boy?
Oh, absolutely. Bad boys are fun, it’s just in the long term, bad boys are bad news. You end of miserable! The attraction is in the mystery and the naughtiness of it all of not being able to have him. But it gets old. Eventually you tire of the silly games. Bad boys are a good distraction when you need one…not that I would know or anything…ha ha!

Okay, here’s a tricky one: how long should it be before one breaks wind in front of their partner?
Oh that’s a tough one. I think one should try to refrain from doing that at any point in the relationship. For the first long while, it’s until somebody kind of has a little accident, and then you don’t have a choice but to kinda go, “Whoopsie! Sorry! It was the dog!”

That’s fine if you have a dog.
That’s right! Because girls don’t poop, and they don’t fart. Never ever – we’re a very unique species.

Disappointing! You’ve worked with Michael Caine. Everyone has a Michael Caine  impersonation. Did you do yours for him?
Absolutely not! I couldn’t ever do it justice.

When you meet Michael Caine, it is disappointing that he’s less like Michael Caine than people doing impressions of him in the pub?
I’ve got to tell you. I haven’t seen really seen that many Michael Caine impressions. Really, I haven’t! But he’s a really entertaining man.

If a desirable fellow were to approach you at a bar, how should he do it?
He can buy me a drink. Do you guys have Caesars? It’s a cocktail with clamato juice (disturbingly, this is a Canadian blend of tomato juice and clam broth. True!) and vodka. It sounds disgusting, it sound absolutely horrific, but it’s good! Or a vodka martini, straight up.

Finally, what’s the one misconception you would like to clear up?The we live in igloos.

What? Who thought that?
You’d be surprised. Or the other one is, “Where did you go to school? Did anybody teach you anything?”

by Ben Smithurst
photography by Charles Langella